Birds & Bees – Flowers & Trees
It all started Saturday afternoon, when my Son was telling me about a child his age (my Son is 11) who was bragging about all the sex they were having. My first reaction was, “bullshit!”. What kind of child, who doesn’t even have “teen” at the end of their age, would be having sex? Just because they have the equipment, doesn’t mean they automatically have a license to use it! I mean, geez, this is the type of thing I thought you only saw on Springer or Maury. You know, the ignorant, low-class people who have more teeth than brain cells (and that’s not saying a whole lot), who sit on those disgusting shows, whining, “my pre-teen is having sex and I can’t stop them! Boo-hoo.” I just want to grab those idiot parents by the neck, and scream in their faces – YES YOU CAN stop them! First, you teach them about sex, properly, and don’t let their friends fill their heads with a bunch of crap. Then you reiterate that sex is NOT for children, it’s for adults who can handle the emotional aspects of it in addition to the physical. You make them aware the sex can and will have consequences – lifelong consequences. Then you get them occupied with something other than the opposite sex, like a volunteer group, community program or even sports. You spend time with them, being a parent. That’s the most important thing, taking your parenting role seriously. The child’s not the boss, you are! A parent MUST spend quality time talking with their child, free of distractions, on a daily basis. And saying, “so-and-so just won’t listen to me” is not an excuse…if that’s happening, you’re not trying hard enough as a parent.
I just don’t understand parents these days, who allow their children to do whatever they want, including sex. They just hand them a box of condoms and say, “go have fun!” What happened to discouraging CHILDREN from having sex? Now it’s so bad, some parents are actually encouraging their children, egging them on, and comparing sexual experiences with them. I know that kids are growing up faster these days, but part of the reason why is because too many parents are pushing their kids to grow up that fast. If you’re not responsible enough to have a driver’s license, you’re not responsible enough to be having sex.
I’m very satisfied that the talks I have with my Son every day, and the quality time I spend with him, will contribute to his WAITING to have sex. Besides, he’s too smart to ruin his life on some pre-teen slut. I can honestly say that if what my Son was told was true, I hope that the couple end up with an STD that will render their genitals useless for the rest of their lives. That’ll certainly teach them!
Oh, almost forgot. It ended with a 3 hour conversation about sex with my Son, in addition to his reading a wonderful book on the subject, “What’s Happening to Me?” by Peter Mayle. It was a book given to me when I was a bit younger than my Son, and passed down through the generations. I highly recommend the series to anyone who has children. Our talk was ended (for now) with me telling him that self-pleasure is a perfectly normal and acceptable form of release, but that sex at such a young age is NOT acceptable. A box of tissues is a hell of a lot easier to clean up than a baby or an STD.
And while we’re on the subject, this was posted today, 7/16/08 on Dear Abby:
MOM’S RELUCTANCE TO DISCUSS SEX PUTS DAUGHTERS AT RISK
Wed Jul 16, 7:58 PM ET
DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old niece, “Nicki,” was recently diagnosed with an STD. When her mother, my sister-in-law “Cynthia,” found out she was horrified. She had ignored several family members — including me — who had tried to warn her that Nicki was sexually active and not taking proper precautions.
Now Nicki’s 14-year-old sister, “Danni,” has come to me because she was afraid she was pregnant. I took her to get a pregnancy test done. Thank God, it was negative.
I think Danni should be tested for STDs, and both she and Nicki should be on birth control.
I can’t get this through to my sister-in-law. Cynthia thinks I “don’t understand” because I have sons, and “all I have to do is give them condoms.”
Yes, but I have also talked to them about sex, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy and prevention, as well as the importance of acting responsibly.
I just want my nieces to be safe. Cynthia is living in a state of denial. How can I protect my nieces? — CONCERNED AUNT IN NEW YORK
DEAR AUNT: Danni obviously trusts you, or she would not have come to you when she thought she was in serious trouble. It’s a shame the girls don’t have a closer relationship with their mother, and that she has chosen to hide her head in the sand rather than confront the obvious. Because she seems unable to talk to her daughters about sex and the responsibilities that go with it, you should.
If you feel uncomfortable talking to them about this, I have a booklet that can help you. It’s called “What Every Teen Should Know,” and it has been used by doctors and educators to get the message across in easy-to-understand language. It also contains sections on drugs, alcohol and date rape.
My teen booklet can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.
Your nieces must understand that having unprotected sex is not only dangerous, but could also prevent them from having children at a time in their lives when they’re prepared to provide for them. It’s obvious that you care about those girls. So schedule the discussion ASAP, and impress upon them that the decisions they’re making now will affect their entire futures and how important it is for them to avoid the pitfalls.