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Sports

If you’re easily offended, or incapable of seeing things from another person’s point of view, then read no further.

Could someone please explain to me what is with the obsession with sports? I just don’t get it. So some overgrown brute can throw or catch a ball, or hit an object with a stick. But can they count past 20 without using their toes or an accountant? Do they have the intelligence to do anything besides play with a ball? I mean, if you took all their money and associates from them, would they be able to function as a human being in a normal society? Probably not!

And then there are the fans. The rabid, idiotic fans that eat, breathe and live for sports. Can’t they find anything more intelligent to fill their time? Can’t they find anything more intellectual to talk about than sports? I mean, who really cares what team you support, or what the scores are to the 10 games that were on over the weekend? Well, besides the other fans that people surround themselves with.

Even worse are the parents that force (or encourage, same difference) their children to participate in sports.That and the coaches who treat the children like shit, especially if their team doesn’t win! Children see more violence at sporting events than they see in other areas of their lives. Those same children also tend to treat other children terribly, especially those kids who don’t follow or participate in sports.

Football, in particular, is one of the worst sports there are, and yet it’s got a choke hold on most people for several months out of their lives. I’ve heard some of the most ridiculous reasons for why people like football.

“It’s a relaxing way to spend a couple of hours”
Are you kidding me? What part of watching football is relaxing?! The part where you’re jumping up screaming at the television? Your raised blood pressure? If you want a real relaxing time, why not spend that time reading a book.

“It promotes teamwork”
I can think of a few things that also promote teamwork, that don’t involve the need for protective gear. How about getting your family together to clean the house, do yardwork, or plant a garden? Why not play a game like Trivial Pursuit; something that enhances your brain?

“It’s something I can talk about at social gatherings”
Let me guess, you can’t find anything else to talk about outside of the weather and sports? Proof of a small mind, if you ask me. How do you think everyone else at the social gathering feels about your choice of subject? My guess is they’re either a fellow brain-dead fan, or they’re listening to you out of politeness. I, personally, walk away from people who constantly spit out sports crap.

“I’m showing pride and support for my city or school of choice”
No you’re not! If you really want to show support, why not do something for the people of that city or school? Find a food bank that needs volunteers, help the homeless, donate your time or money to organizations that need it. Then you can not only have pride in your city, but pride in yourself.

“It’s a constructive way to spend my free time”
Ha! How about you go back to school and learn how to use English properly? Maybe a spelling lesson or two? That way, when you post sports dribble on your page, you don’t prove to the world what an ignoramus you really are.

I also get the biggest laugh out of people who buy a bunch of sports memorabilia and display it around their home. Don’t they see how tacky it makes their home look?

I just don’t get it. All I see when it comes to sports and their fans, is a bunch of neanderthals; cave-men jumping around pounding their chests, looking for approval from like-minded beasts.

I think I’m going to start carrying around a flare gun, and the next time I see someone speeding down the road with their head stuck out the window, yelling about their team of choice, I’m simply gonna shoot a flare through their window. Or the next time someone tries to engage me in a conversation about sports, I’ll put a flare in their mouth. If I can convince even one person of how ridiculous sports are, then I’ll have done the world a great service.

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