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Ten Reasons Gay Marriage is Un-American

Ten Reasons Gay Marriage is Un-American

1. Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things – like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven’t adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

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  1. December 4, 2010 at 1:09 am

    And just for the record, I’d like to know which of my parents is gay. Because, ya know, I’m bi-sexual … so one of them has to be gay. Since my father is married and very much a straight man, that leaves only my mother. Maybe that’s why she’s such a homophobe?

  2. December 4, 2010 at 1:11 am

    Your an idiot!

  3. December 4, 2010 at 1:13 am

    Oh wait… I am confused? so you are not against gay marriage?

    • December 4, 2010 at 3:20 am

      LOL, yeah just a bit confused. This is a satire piece. It’s showing how ridiculous people are when they give their reasons for being against gay marriage. Thanks for the comment(s), and the giggle. 😉

  4. December 4, 2010 at 3:01 pm

    Dear Shelli, that was fun. Peace, howie

    • December 6, 2010 at 12:34 pm

      Glad you liked it, Howie! I thought it was a brilliantly written piece. 🙂

  5. June 29, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Straight people supporting gay marriage is like the lactose intolerant supporting ice cream.

    • June 30, 2011 at 11:01 am

      LOL Temy. I support ice cream, too! (and I’m lactose intolerant)

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